Bad experiences

So finally, I published the happiness story last week. I felt quite happy of the assignment which led me to meet some interesting people, each with a different mindset on what life means to them.

Then I interviewed some international authors who're in town for a Literary Festival. It's an assignment I need to do every year. Sometimes I talked to someone who's inspiring, generous and very encouraging. One UK author told me to start my own book and an American author said I should host a TV talk show interviewing people. I thanked both of them for their kind comments.

But, at times, I'd meet someone who's grumpy, and doesn't want to talk, like him.

The first 10 minutes of conversation was awkward, then it just got worse. The reluctance, the rudeness in his tone and feedback. I thought to myself: "Someone just woke up on the wrong side of the bed..."

I wish I could walk away, and just be 'me'. But, I kept asking my questions, writing down anything he cared to say, ignoring his unfriendly remarks. When it's finally done, I went into the washroom, stood in front of the mirror and breathed. I didn't want to play a psychology professor but I kept thinking: What ever happened to him that made him like this? Maybe a lonely childhood, like many characters in his books. Maybe he had a bad dream last night. Or maybe it's just him.

Perhaps our experience can change us. Our personality, our way of talking and interacting with people are shaped by our experiences, good or bad.

Another day, I talked to a local artist who has an unusual - sad in most people's eyes - background. She was born in jail because of her mom. At six, she was being handed to relatives after relatives. She has lived in some girls' centre for some time, which she vaguely mentioned but didn't go further into details. When she grew up, she lived with her girlfriends and boyfriends at different times. In the past 30 plus years, she has lived in 22 places, at least.

Her life was like 'drifting' around - a word she used in Chinese - based on the circumstances in her life.
Yet, she didn't give a hint of unhappiness or resentment in her tone.

I asked if she's ever felt unhappy in life, especially when she was small and didn't have a say over things. She said she didn't see life in terms of good or bad but just how things were. Rather than fighting against the 'reality', she's learnt to "make things work" in whatever conditions she was in. She said her background has made her the person she is now: free-spirited, and an appetite to discover new things and meet new friends. And I liked it when she said: I like who I am.

As an artist, she wanted to document her past history. So with her artist friend, she went back to all the places she's lived and took photographs of herself standing in front of locations. The exhibition is like a gift to herself, she says. And I thought: What an exhibition.

Maybe our experience cannot change us. After all, we are who we are and who we choose to become, regardless of our experiences.

And I thought about my own bad experiences in the past, some near danger, despair and some near death. And I wonder - how they've made me into the person I am today.