Where will you be?

Speaking to students is always a pure happy experience.

Yesterday I had a chance to speak a group of lively students.

I talked about my career in the past decade or more. The changing paths, the ups and downs, the stories I did, the people I met, the lessons I learnt. I was inspired by their thoughtful and candid questions. As teenagers, they're open and real, which is nice. I hope they will stay this way when they grow up.

The last question I gave them was this: Imagine in five year's time, where do you see you will be? What are you wearing? What are you doing?

Visual images are powerful and intuitive. They've helped me reflect my inner thoughts, keep me going back to my path, no matter how many detours I've taken, and (hopefully) take me to my final destiny.

My first vivid image came when I was a child: I saw my father reading the newspaper in his study room and writing on his diary. The image has never left my mind. And I believe it could've been the very first time when I was inspired to become what I am now.

Some years later when I was working in an office, I would see myself going out instead of sitting there - I'd be travelling alone and standing in a crowd of people. In my causal clothes, I'd always carry a camera, and have my notebook and a pen in my pocket.

Now I'm in my job where I need to go from places to places. I won't leave the house without my camera, notebook and a pen. Every day, I feel tired running around and writing to deadlines, but I never get bored or feel I'm doing something meaningless.

And I'd still imagine myself doing something that's a little bit different sometimes.

I see myself living in another country, talking to the locals, buying food (bread and cheese) in their market, eating it while watching the sunset in an empty room.

And I see myself sitting in front of a small table, made of solid wood, typing something on the typewriter.

In five year's time, if I'm still alive, where will I be?

And where will you be?

Postcard from Burma

It has arrived!

So what now?

Happiness

This month I took on an interesting assignment. I have to write an article on the science of happiness. So I went to talk to different people about what they know.

1. I had a conversation with a young lama from Malaysia who told me happiness is a state of mind, when it's quiet.

The founder of their centre is named the 'happiest man on earth' by some American scientists who did an experiment on him.

Meditation is the key, the lama told me.

It is when you don't think about the future, or the past, but the presence, only.

It allows you to relax your mind, and makes you become more aware of space, time, your senses,
eventually yourself, and others.

Learning to meditate, and you will learn to live in the now, which leads to happiness.

Your mind at that state will give you clarity and power to solve any problems.

Talking to him made me happy too. His positive, unassuming attitude, his gentle smile is contagious.

He is someone who isn't just talking about happiness. He is happy.


2. Then I talked to a research director from the UK who presented many surveys done in the West.

It's all about comparison, he said.

According to statistics, people are happier when they're with others who're less well-off, less wealthy, less of everything than they are.

What miserable idea, I thought to myself.

But apparently, it's as true as the figures show. It's human nature to be jealous and not capable to feel happy for others when they're doing well.

A miserable fact.

He said the trick for lottery winners to stay happy  is to never move house. When people win a lottery, they tend to move to a nicer bigger house, then find themselves being surrounded by richer people in the neighborhood, and then becoming even more miserable than before.

We all know money can make us happy, but only for some time. Richer people have more means and less to worry about, therefore are happier in general.

But, they won't feel excited after getting the second, third or fourth house or sports car. (But they will still get them, because they want more.) And they will spend a lot time worrying about how to make more money, then thinking about how to get more stuff with the money they have.

Sounds like a tragic story.

Younger adults under 20 and older people above 65 are happier than the rest of the age groups. Why?
When you're young, you 'think' your life is limitless and you 'feel' hopeful and happy. When you're old, you know nothing is as important, and you can finally relax and chill, and be happy.

Middle-aged are the unhappiest group, unfortunately, because of 'mid-life crisis' which is real. So try your best to get through middle-aged and you'll be fine, he said.

Knowledge does make us happy; so go get that degree and keep on learning.

3. Now I have to finish a book called Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert.
He talks about how human beings are caught up in the idea of 'future' and keep 'imagining' something that will make us happy, in future.

And the truth?

When that 'something' actually happens, it is never what we think it can do - make us happy.

More to read on.

Just Be

I've been listening to many new songs this year, recommended by a friend I used to feel close to.

One of them is: Just Be by Paloma Faith. 

What a lovely song. What a perfect time the song came to me.

I experienced more than one 'falling out' in my relationship with others this year, just before my birthday.

I thought: What 'excellent' timing -- I'll never forget it every year that in Aug 2012, I fell out with him and with her. Just like before Christmas every year, I'll be reminded of my dear father in his sick bed, followed by his funeral, the chilly weather and white snowy ground, and frozen tears. 

My heart am saddened by what happened; I am also surprised by how different we see our 'reality'. 

But it makes sense.

In life, we all live in our own world. We enter each other's lives randomly or by choice. We walk out of each other's lives mostly by choice.

But, for the record, I never want to walk out your life -- I see myself not fitting in your world, a world when I feel unloved, unwanted, like a stranger, around you.

So it's time I leave your space and let things, just be. 

Someone once said to me: 'What is 'is', it can't be changed.' I didn't know how that could've meant then.

Life has its ups and downs and I am not young anymore. I know that these 'things' happen, and sometimes for the better than the worst. It's just that,

I'd rather these things, memories, to be kept a little farther away from my birthday.

So I won't be reminded every year. 

The randomness of Timing

On a random evening at 930 in July, you texted me.

After two years of our parting our ways.

You said you were crossing the border, in ten minutes, and you wanted to come over.  Just like that.

I thought: It'd be nice if you said: I'm in town. Can I meet you for dinner?

As I was pondering on your strange text, a whole string of other thoughts rushed in --

Unhappy moments. Loneliness. Sadness. Tears. And more.

You never understood me. And I don't understand you.

I didn't text you until the next day. I wrote: I don't want to see you anymore.


*************************************************************

On a random morning at 430 in August, I emailed you.

I told you I was thinking about you.

You replied saying you're not ready. And you told me again about all your unhappy past relationships, one by one.

Since I wrote you, you decided to walk away. You stopped doing all the things you used to do.

Warm toasts in the morning, and shared lunches.

An unexpected text to say a Japanese movie was on TV.

Instant answers to my messages.

Funny conversations on MSN during the day.

Frequent visits to my desk with your lovely smile.

Always sitting next to me on the bus home.

Listening to your or my favourite music together.

You said: Everything is about timing in life.

I agree. But, timing is in our hands. Everything, in the end, is a decision we make.

In your leaving me today, you could've missed me tomorrow and forever.

When you look back in a year's time, and think about me, you'd say to yourself: Timing, is everything.

Love is now or never.