Just Be

I've been listening to many new songs this year, recommended by a friend I used to feel close to.

One of them is: Just Be by Paloma Faith. 

What a lovely song. What a perfect time the song came to me.

I experienced more than one 'falling out' in my relationship with others this year, just before my birthday.

I thought: What 'excellent' timing -- I'll never forget it every year that in Aug 2012, I fell out with him and with her. Just like before Christmas every year, I'll be reminded of my dear father in his sick bed, followed by his funeral, the chilly weather and white snowy ground, and frozen tears. 

My heart am saddened by what happened; I am also surprised by how different we see our 'reality'. 

But it makes sense.

In life, we all live in our own world. We enter each other's lives randomly or by choice. We walk out of each other's lives mostly by choice.

But, for the record, I never want to walk out your life -- I see myself not fitting in your world, a world when I feel unloved, unwanted, like a stranger, around you.

So it's time I leave your space and let things, just be. 

Someone once said to me: 'What is 'is', it can't be changed.' I didn't know how that could've meant then.

Life has its ups and downs and I am not young anymore. I know that these 'things' happen, and sometimes for the better than the worst. It's just that,

I'd rather these things, memories, to be kept a little farther away from my birthday.

So I won't be reminded every year.